There’s a change in the air, a shift rippling across the planet changing the way individuals, courts and law enforcement agencies view and respond to domestic abuse.

It’s way overdue.

Finally, blinkers are falling from eyes and people are starting to understand that domestic violence is not primarily about physical assaults.

First and foremost it’s about entitlement and control.

Across the world laws are slowly changing. Scotland has delivered the current gold standard in criminalizing coercive control. England and Wales have also made legislative changes towards criminalizing this insidious but poorly understood abuse.

But we have a very long way…

I have just finished watching the documentary The Red Pill. I had a sense it would be disturbing viewing and I was right. It examined many issues, but for the purposes of this story, I’ll look at just one.

The question of whether domestic violence is a gendered issue.

Let’s be clear at the outset. Women can absolutely be perpetrators of violence, and men can certainly be victims of intimate partner violence.

But a male victim of domestic violence perpetuated by a woman is the exception rather than the rule. The evidence overwhelmingly supports the fact that the vast majority…

I lived in the prison that is domestic violence for most of my first marriage. Five years later, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the signs were there in the very early stages.

Love bombing disguised as genuine affection and sincerity. What initially felt like devotion gradually turned to monitoring my movements and controlling every aspect of my life.

In 2015 I did escape. I was free, but only physically. The abuse continued, just in a new and different way.

One of the first things my now ex-husband did after I left was join a Facebook group…

Trigger Warning: this article contains discussions of sexual assault, abuse, and violence that may not be suitable for all readers. Fearless community, please read with care.

Recently I had the privilege of being interviewed by Jess Hill, the author of the groundbreaking book See What You Made Me Do for an upcoming series on coercive control being presented by the Victorian Women’s Trust.

Over a three-hour period, this accomplished and caring woman sat at my dining table and listened as I shared my experience of domestic violence and coercive control which spanned over a period of more than two decades…

Jan, this 'a wonderful piece. I nodded and agreed all the way through it. I too struggle with the militant position that certain parts of the Church take on the abortion issue. The Church is very distracted by the real work that Jesus left for us to, and those of us that can see that must not be silenced by the loud voices who seem to think that the bible gives us a mandate to impose Christian beliefs (whether biblical or not) on society at large.

Off to read more of your work, glad to have found you.

It’s an unfortunate truth that people hurt people. We are all capable of inflicting pain, and sometimes we do. The difference though is that healthy people who occasionally hurt people feel genuine remorse and a strong desire to make amends.

Not so with toxic people. These people inflict pain on others because of their own issues, their own insecurity. Their own lack of certainty of their place in the world

I spent 24 years with one of these people. He was an unsafe person. Now my life is completely different. My now-husband is kind, gentle and attentive. …

Until six years ago, I had barely thought about abortion. Once when I was working at a temporary assignment at a law firm in Sydney I had an elderly man yell at me “don’t kill your baby” as I walked through the automatic doors. I later discovered that the Marie Stopes Foundation had its rooms in the same building.

I experienced multiple miscarriages before my only child was born. I had never experienced an unwanted pregnancy but had no negative view towards women who found themselves in this difficult situation. …

In the 18 months I’ve been writing on Medium I’ve had one story go viral. It was awesome, the best part was sharing the excitement with my friends in a very special Facebook group called Medium 24 Interaction. I’ve made some wonderful friends there.

But the reality is that every Medium Facebook group that I’ve been part of has one primary purpose. To promote your work and do your bit by reading the work of others.

I write about difficult topics. I write about my experience of trauma, and the lessons I have learnt.

I do it because I want…